Not For Children...

Before you read on let me warn you this is not for our younger readers or for the faint of heart. This is not edited for language due to the situation. Now that I've warned you...Let me tell you why I'm proud to be an American. I love to be able to work two jobs, pull endless hours, sleepless nights, pick up extra shifts, sick calls, shift trades, pull overtime shifts. Work more hours in a week then what feels physically possible. Why do I do this you ask?? So I can support my family, give them a home to live in, a car to drive in, food on the table and a private Christian education. I do this so I can sneak around behind my wifes back and secretly shop for Christmas gifts for her without her knowing it. I spend time in stores trying to get her something nice that she would love and would be so excited about. Something that she would never expect. Then I buy this gift that she doesn't know about and take it to the fire station to wrap it and hide it so she has no idea. I spend time getting made fun of in front of the guys as I wrap this gift, but hey it's ok, it's for my amazing wife. Then I put this gift hidden in the trunk of my car and drive home. On my way home I get called to pick up another extra shift to help out my friends at my part time job. So what do I do?? I pick up the shift because I'm a responsible American, keep in mind this gives me no time to sneak into my house and hide the gift because Amber is home so I leave the gift in the trunk. I go to work for another twelve hours following my already long twenty four hour shift the day before, all day outside in the cold and wind. After my twelve hour shift I clock out and prepare to go home. And why do I do all of this again?? So when I'm working my extra shift some ASSHOLE can break into my car in the parking garage and go through everything in my car and steal my wifes gift out of the trunk. I mean it was wrapped in a box and the son of a bitch had no idea what he was taking but he took it anyway. Security cameras you may be asking?? Yes they have them but the one mounted close to my car just happened to be broken yesterday. Go figure. So in sticking with the Christmas spirit if any of you need any last second gift ideas for me I have one. I would like that punk, right here tonight. I want him brought from his happy holiday slumber somewhere in the ghetto with all the other pieces of shit and I want him brought right here, with a big ribbon on his head, and I want to look him straight in the eye and I want to tell him what a cheap, lying, no-good, rotten, four-flushing, low-life, snake-licking, dirt-eating, inbred, overstuffed, ignorant, blood-sucking, dog-kissing, brainless, dickless, hopeless, heartless, fat-ass, bug-eyed, stiff-legged, spotty-lipped, worm-headed sack of monkey shit he is. Hallelujah. Holy shit. Where's the Tylenol?