Parents...who are they?

I've always believed that parents teach their children how TO be and how NOT to be. Sometimes their methods lean more in one direction than the other...But as the child we don't get to choose our upbringing. It's not up to us how we are parented. The only thing that is up to us is how we choose to learn the lesson they are trying to teach...or not trying to teach.

My dad spent this last week in the hospital. He was finally released and is now at home. He had a perferated bowl. Clearly painful! He will be having surgery on it after he completely heals from this terrible ordeal. I know that it would be cliche to sit here and explain how seeing him in that hospital bed made me think about the fact that none of us are guaranteed tomorrow. For that matter we aren't guaranteed the end of this day...Time with family is extremely important. I could go on and on about how much I love him and saw him as vulnerable for the first time ever and it scared me. But I'm going to assume that all of that is already known. Instead, his hospital experience was paired in my mind with the thought that we all just spent a 10 day vacation in Montana together. My mom's parents celebrated their 50th wedding anniversary. All of the family got together to celebrate their commitment to each other, their family and friends. We also got to spend some much needed time with Josh's family. All around it was a fabulous trip. My dad was rushed to the emergency room the day after we got back...welcome home!

The word "reflection" comes to mind when Josh and I think about our trip to Montana. I was also blessed by getting to spend time with my uncle David who motivates me toward perspective everytime I'm with him. The compilation of all these events led me to think about my own life. I AM A PARENT! You know, one of those frustrating people that are always telling you "No". They say they know what's best...ground you for a month and then claim to love you. -?- I am the person that my children will spend some portion of their lives NOT understanding. I am the one that will make huge sacrifices on their behalf that they will never know about, level anyone who tries to hurt them and when I tell them they cannot go on a date when they are 14, they will most likely want to trade me in. There is only one guarantee for my life as a parent...I have only just begun to make mistakes. There are no perfect parents, and eventhough my kids are just 5 and 8 months, I already have some regrets. They will spend time wishing I had done things differently and trying to figure out why I am the way I am...But here's the kicker, they will never understand why I am the way I am, no matter how hard they try. It's because they didn't know Josh and I before they came along. They didn't know the life experiences we had or the way we were raised. They won't understand that just like every human on this planet, I am the way I am now, whether good or bad, because of my experiences. Life happened. They don't know how being with Josh has made me a better, stronger person. They won't know all that we've been through in our married life, or the lessons that we've taken away. They won't completely understand how our weak spots have been made stronger by the other one, or that a lot had to change on both of our parts to learn to be the best "us" that we could be. They won't know what I was like in highschool or the fact the every day God is making a bigger impression than He did yesterday. They will know, but not fully grasp the circumstances regarding their arrival. They will only know a portion of who we are because of the fact that they haven't always been on the scene...So if this is true for me, then it must be true for all parents...which means it's true for mine. In turn, my grace level for my parents and the way I was raised has just grown immensely...maybe my kids can do the same for me.

The other day, after spending the morning wrestling with my 5 year old, lunch time having a backyard picnic, the afternoon coloring and watching cartoons followed by our favorite evening walk, I told him I was only going to read one bedtime story, not two. This was quickly followed by big tears, a quivering bottom lip and, "You never do what I want to do!" ...really? How many times did I get upset with my parents without knowing the whole story, or seeing it from their point of view? How many times have I judged them for choices they've made without knowing how they got to that place? But I guess it's the infamous circle of life...I just wish I hadn't spent so much time in the past being irritated with situations I don't understand. That's not to say that they are perfect...but why are they supposed to be?